Infidelity is a painful reality that many relationships face, but when it involves a narcissist, the betrayal can feel even more devastating. Narcissistic partners have a way of charming and manipulating people, often leaving their partners feeling confused and deeply hurt. But what makes a narcissist more likely to cheat?
Narcissists are more likely to cheat because of their constant need for validation, lack of empathy, and desire for control. Their emotional detachment and self-centeredness make it easier for them to justify infidelity without feeling guilt. Understanding these behaviors can help you recognize the warning signs and protect your emotional well-being.
In this article, we’ll take a closer look at the psychological reasons behind a narcissist’s infidelity. We’ll explore:
- How common cheating is in relationships
- Why narcissists are more likely to be unfaithful
- The way narcissists think about love, relationships, and commitment
- How their constant need for validation and ego boosts plays a role in infidelity
The Prevalence of Cheating in Relationships
Cheating happens in many relationships, regardless of personality type. Studies suggest that infidelity rates vary, but research indicates that around 20-25% of married individuals admit to having cheated at least once (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2021). However, when narcissism is involved, the likelihood of infidelity increases significantly.
A 2014 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with higher levels of narcissistic traits are more likely to engage in infidelity due to their need for external validation and lack of emotional intimacy.
The Narcissist’s Need for Validation
At the core of narcissism is a deep need for admiration and validation. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a guide used by mental health professionals to diagnose psychological conditions, narcissistic traits include a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists thrive on attention and often seek out multiple sources to fuel their ego.
In a committed relationship, one partner’s love and attention may never feel like enough. This relentless need for external validation can drive a narcissist to cheat, constantly searching for new admirers who can feed their self-importance.
In my work as a Registered Psychotherapist specializing in betrayal trauma, I have observed that many partners of narcissists report feeling emotionally drained by the constant pressure to meet the narcissist’s insatiable need for validation. This dynamic often leaves the betrayed partner questioning their own worth.
Lack of Empathy and Emotional Detachment
Narcissists often struggle with genuine emotional connections. This lack of empathy means they often don’t feel guilty or remorseful when they hurt others, making it easier for them to betray their partner. They often see relationships as a way to meet their own needs rather than as meaningful emotional connections. This mindset makes it easier for them to justify infidelity, as they prioritize their own desires over their partner’s feelings.
One of my clients, for instance, described the emotional whiplash of being with a narcissistic partner who appeared loving and attentive in public but emotionally distant and secretive behind closed doors. This emotional detachment often plays a significant role in why narcissists are more likely to cheat.
The Thrill of Deception
For some narcissists, cheating isn’t just about validation—it’s about power and control. Being able to manipulate and deceive their partner can make them feel powerful and in control. They may even enjoy the secrecy and risk, feeling an adrenaline rush from knowing they are getting away with something. Infidelity also creates a power imbalance in the relationship, making the cheating partner privy to information about the state of the relationship that their partners do not initially have.
Does Cheating Automatically Mean Narcissism?
Not all cases of cheating are linked to narcissism; infidelity is often more complex. Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel suggests that many individuals who cheat are not seeking to hurt their partner, but are struggling with unmet emotional needs, unresolved grief, or a longing for connection. In The State of Affairs, Perel explains that infidelity can be a misguided response to personal loss or dissatisfaction, reflecting deeper emotional struggles. While this doesn’t excuse the betrayal, it highlights that cheating doesn’t always equate to narcissism. Understanding the emotional underpinnings of infidelity can help untangle the roots of betrayal and guide the healing process with empathy.
How to Protect Yourself
If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. Here are some steps you can take:
- Trust your instincts – If something feels off, don’t ignore it.
- Look for patterns – A narcissist’s behavior is often repetitive.
- Seek support – Friends, family, or a therapist can help you gain clarity.
- Prioritize your self-worth – You deserve a partner who values honesty and commitment.
See my article: Understanding the Emotional Aftermath of Infidelity: Why It Feels Like PTSD
Final Thoughts
Understanding the link between narcissism and infidelity can help individuals recognize toxic patterns in relationships. While not every narcissist cheats, their traits often make them more likely to engage in infidelity. By staying informed and setting firm boundaries, you can protect yourself from the emotional harm that comes with being involved with a narcissistic partner.
About the Author
Stephanie Boucher is a Registered Psychotherapist specializing in betrayal trauma and the owner of The Mindful Loft Betrayal Trauma and Relational Recovery Centre in Ontario. With over a decade of experience in the mental health field, she supports clients in navigating relational wounds and rebuilding their sense of self-worth. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of betrayal, reach out here to learn more about available support options.
Bibliography
Perel, Esther. The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. HarperCollins, 2017.
Journal of Marriage and Family (2021). “Infidelity in Marriage: Prevalence and Impact.” Retrieved from: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/17413737
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2014). “Narcissistic Traits and the Likelihood of Infidelity.” Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/psp
American Psychiatric Association (2013). “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).” Retrieved from: https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm
