What is Betrayal Trauma? An Explanation for Both the Betrayed and the Betrayer

Betrayal trauma is a profound emotional wound caused when trust in someone or something has been broken. For example, one client shared how discovering their partner’s hidden actions left them feeling as though their entire reality had been shattered. Through therapy, they found a path to regain stability and self-trust, illustrating the resilience that healing can bring. It’s often described as a form of trauma because the pain it inflicts can resemble symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (Freyd, 2019). Understanding what betrayal trauma is can help clarify its impact. For individuals and partners impacted by betrayal, this trauma can create long-lasting effects on emotional stability, trust, and self-esteem (Miller & Jordan, 2019).

At The Mindful Loft Betrayal Trauma and Relational Recovery Centre Ontario, we specialize in helping clients navigate the challenging journey of healing from childhood and relational wounds, including betrayal trauma. Whether you are struggling with feelings of grief, shame, or confusion, our goal is to provide a compassionate and supportive environment where you can begin to rebuild trust—in yourself and in others.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Many individuals seek therapy when compulsive behaviors such as infidelity, secret-keeping, or pornography addiction have led to a partner’s betrayal trauma. These experiences often create a ripple effect of emotional and psychological distress for both individuals in the relationship (Gibson & Gable, 2020).

See my article Cheating Is Not About Love: What’s Really Going On?

See my article Understanding the Emotional Aftermath of Infidelity: Why It Feels Like PTSD

symptoms of betrayal trauma
symptoms of betrayal trauma

Why Staggered Disclosures Can Deepen the Trauma

For partners grappling with betrayal, staggered disclosures—where bits of information are revealed over time—often intensify the pain. These staggered revelations can perpetuate mistrust and heighten symptoms of trauma, as they create an ongoing cycle of unpredictability and emotional harm. This pattern is common when addiction drives the betrayal, as individuals may engage in damage control to minimize consequences (Schaefer et al., 2009).

Healing from Betrayal Trauma: The Role of Therapy

Therapy is a powerful tool for both individuals and couples affected by betrayal trauma. Studies show that individuals who engage in therapy experience significant reductions in symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation (Harman et al., 2021). For example, research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy highlights that couples therapy can improve trust and communication by up to 70% when betrayal has occurred (Miller & Jordan, 2019).

How Therapy Can Help:

  • Creating a Safe Space: Therapy provides a confidential environment for individuals to explore their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This safe space is essential for healing from the emotional wounds of betrayal.
  • Exploring Emotions: Through therapy, clients can acknowledge and validate emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and confusion. Processing these feelings constructively is a vital step toward recovery.
  • Identifying Trauma Triggers: Therapy helps identify triggers that exacerbate trauma symptoms, such as certain situations, words, or memories. Clients learn effective coping strategies to manage these triggers.
  • Rebuilding Trust: Betrayal often undermines trust in relationships. Therapy helps clients examine past experiences, challenge negative beliefs, and gradually rebuild trust—both in themselves and others.
  • Developing Coping Skills: From mindfulness techniques to communication skills, therapy equips clients with tools to manage distressing emotions and navigate challenges in healthier ways.
  • Restoring Self-Esteem: Betrayal can significantly impact self-worth. Therapy fosters self-compassion, challenges negative self-talk, and encourages practices that rebuild confidence and self-validation.

The Therapeutic Disclosure Process

One approach that can be particularly transformative for couples is therapeutic formal disclosure. This structured process allows both partners to share their experiences in a guided and supportive setting.

See my article on : Why Denying Cheating Hurts More Than the Betrayal Itself

What Happens in Therapeutic Disclosure?

  • Both partners work with trained therapists who collaborate on a disclosure plan.
  • The partner who betrayed shares a thorough yet measured account of their actions, setting the stage for transparency and accountability.
  • The betrayed partner has the opportunity to ask questions and express their feelings through an impact letter.
  • The process concludes with an emotional restitution letter from the betraying partner, fostering understanding and connection.

Therapeutic disclosure is most effective when both partners are stable, have supportive resources, and are committed to the process of healing and growth.

Learn more about the therapeutic disclosure in Michelle Mays’ book “The Betrayal Bind

See my article on Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal: An Opportunity for Healing and Growth

Specialized Support for Betrayal Trauma

At The Mindful Loft Betrayal Trauma and Relational Recovery Centre Ontario, we draw on evidence-based approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-focused therapy, and psychodynamic techniques and an attachment lens to support individuals and couples in their recovery journey.

Self-Care and Support for Betrayed Partners

If you’ve experienced betrayal, remember:

  • Self-care is crucial: Make time for rest, nourishment, and activities that bring you joy.
  • You are not to blame: The responsibility for betrayal lies with the betrayer, not the betrayed.
  • Support is essential: Seek therapy, join support groups, and connect with trusted friends or loved ones.
  • Boundaries matter: Establishing boundaries with yourself, your partner, and others is a key part of the healing process.

See my article Starting Fresh: How to Build Trust in a New Relationship After Infidelity

Reclaiming Your Strength and Healing Together

Betrayal trauma doesn’t have to define your story. With the right support and tools, you can heal, rediscover your strength, and move forward. Explore our resources and take the first step toward recovery today. Learn more about our services. With the right support and tools, you can navigate the pain, rediscover your strength, and create a path forward. Whether through individual or couples therapy, the journey to healing is one of courage, resilience, and transformation.

If you’re ready to take the first step, we invite you to schedule a free consultation and explore how we can work together to support your healing. Book your free consultation here.

what is betrayal trauma
Author Stephanie Boucher, Registered Psychotherapist

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bibliography:

  1. Freyd, J. J. (2019). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting and Remembering. Harvard University Press.
    Link to book
  2. Miller, L., & Jordan, C. (2019). Betrayal Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: A Contemporary Understanding of the Impact of Infidelity and Trauma on Relationships. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(3), 321-335.
    Link to article
  3. Gibson, L., & Gable, D. (2020). The Effects of Staggered Disclosures and the Importance of Full Transparency in Healing from Betrayal Trauma. Journal of Trauma and Dissociation, 21(1), 52-69.
    Link to article

 

 

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