The Guilt of Being an Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents

What Are Emotionally Immature Parents?

Emotionally immature parents are individuals who lack the emotional maturity to fully understand or manage their own feelings. Instead of offering emotional support to their children, they may rely on them to meet their emotional needs, creating an imbalance in the parent-child relationship. This can lead children to feel responsible for their parents’ emotional well-being, which often results in guilt and confusion in adulthood.

Why Do You Feel This Guilt?

When you have emotionally immature parents, you might end up worrying a lot about them. They might have been unable to take care of themselves emotionally, so they relied on you to step in. As a child, you may have been taught to focus on your parents’ feelings instead of your own. You were expected to comfort them, help them, or even keep the peace in the house.

As a result, when your parents felt upset or distressed, you probably felt guilty, thinking you were the reason for it or responsible for fixing it. The thing is, this is not your fault. It was part of how your parents behaved and the way they relied on you emotionally, even though that’s not something kids should have to do.

Research from the American Psychological Association reveals that children raised by emotionally immature parents are more likely to develop anxiety and depression later in life (American Psychological Association, 2022). This emotional burden often extends well into adulthood, making the guilt even more pervasive.

see my article: Five Unexpected Indicators of Childhood Trauma: A Day in the Life

How Emotionally Immature Parents Contribute to This

Emotionally immature parents don’t have the skills to manage their own emotions in a healthy way. Instead of teaching their kids how to take care of their own feelings and set boundaries, these parents may demand their kids take care of them. For example, instead of dealing with their own stress, they might lean on their kids to comfort them or solve their problems. This can make the child feel like they have to put their own needs aside to focus on the parent’s emotions.

Because of this, kids grow up learning to care more about others’ feelings than their own. They might also feel like they have to take responsibility for other people’s happiness, which leads to that deep sense of guilt that stays with them even as adults.

The Emotional Toll of Guilt

As an adult, this guilt can be exhausting. You might feel like you’re always responsible for other people’s happiness or like you need to fix things for others, even when it’s not your job. This can make it hard to set boundaries in your relationships or take care of your own needs without feeling bad about it.

This guilt can also make it difficult to have healthy relationships with others. You might feel like you’re always trying to take care of others and worry about their feelings, even at the cost of your own well-being. This constant focus on others’ emotions can lead to burnout, where you feel emotionally drained and unable to care for yourself.

See my article: 12 Effective Strategies for Burnout Recovery and the Timeline You Can Expect to Heal

Breaking Free from the Guilt

The first step toward healing is to recognize that the guilt you carry is not your fault. It was placed on you by your parents’ emotional immaturity, not by anything you did or didn’t do. Acknowledging this truth is essential to reclaiming your emotional space.

Healing involves learning how to set healthy boundaries—this means learning that it’s okay to take care of yourself first. You don’t have to worry about other people’s emotions all the time. It’s okay to say no, to focus on your own needs, and to not feel guilty for doing so.

Therapists recommend starting small—setting boundaries in everyday interactions can help you reclaim your emotional well-being (Gibson, 2024). In therapy, one technique that can be helpful is cognitive restructuring, which involves identifying and challenging the deeply ingrained beliefs of guilt. Another tool is boundary-setting exercises, where you practice asserting your needs in everyday situations (Turner, n.d.).

It can take time to let go of the guilt, but it’s possible. Therapy, self-reflection, and taking care of yourself are all important steps in healing. You don’t have to carry the weight of your parents’ emotions anymore. You deserve to take care of your own emotional needs and to live a life that’s balanced and healthy.

If you recognize yourself as an adult child of emotionally immature parents, know that you can heal. It may take time, but with the right resources and support, you can break free from the guilt and start focusing on your own happiness.