By Stephanie Boucher, Registered Psychotherapist | The Mindful Loft
Before a first session, people often worry about what they will be asked, whether they will freeze, or whether they will say too much.
You do not need to prepare a perfect version of your story. In a first session with me, we begin with what feels manageable. You can pause, correct me, ask why I am asking something, or tell me you are not ready to answer.
If therapy is new to you, or a past experience left you feeling misunderstood or pushed, I want you to know what you can expect from me.
You Can Start With “I Don’t Know Where to Start”
I hear that sentence in first sessions all the time. It is not a problem you need to solve before you arrive. It gives us a place to begin.
I may ask what happened recently, what feels hardest today, and what made you decide to reach out now. You do not need a full timeline. You also do not have to prove that your experience was serious enough to bring to therapy.
If a previous therapist missed the mark, you can tell me what felt unhelpful or unsafe. That information matters.
For the practical details, you can also read What to Expect in Your First Therapy Session.
The Junk Drawer Metaphor, With One Important Correction
I often compare an intake session to opening a junk drawer. There may be an immediate crisis, older experiences, practical concerns, relationship history, and details that seem unrelated.
But we do not dump the whole drawer onto the counter at once.
We open it together. We might take out one thing and spend most of the session there. We might only notice what else is in the drawer and come back to it later. I ask about the wider picture because it can help me understand you, not because every detail must be discussed.
This is my approach to intake. It is not a universal rule for therapy, and I want you to know that before you book.
You Control What We Discuss
I may ask a direct question. You can answer it, take a moment, ask me to explain why I am asking, or say, “I don’t want to go there today.”
Your no is useful information. It tells me where your limit is that day, and it helps us work without turning therapy into another place where you have to override yourself to keep someone else comfortable.
Therapy may feel uncomfortable at times. That is different from being pressured. If the pace feels wrong, I want to know.
Please Correct Me
I bring clinical training and an outside perspective, but I do not know your life better than you do. I will misunderstand something at some point. Please tell me when I do.
You can correct a word I use, an assumption I make, or the way I have connected two parts of your story. Those corrections do not derail the work. They make it more accurate.
Why the Work Can Feel Slower Than Expected
After a betrayal, it is understandable to want answers and relief quickly. I hear the urgency in that.
My approach is informed by Michelle Mays’ attachment-based Braving Model, which focuses on the relational disconnection created by betrayal. In plain language, that means betrayal is not only treated as an event, but as something that can affect safety, attachment, and the ability to stay grounded in connection.
In my work, early sessions may include talking about what happened, but I will also pay attention to what helps you stay present, what sends you into overwhelm, and what support you have between sessions.
This is not about avoiding the story. It is about making sure therapy does not leave you more flooded and alone after the hour ends.
In my experience, clients can feel frustrated when this part of the work seems slow. Wanting the pain to stop is not impatience. We will keep checking the pace together rather than assuming faster is better.
If you attend as a couple, the structure of the work changes, but I still pay attention to whether each person can stay present enough to participate. Having two people in the room does not mean either person should be rushed.
For more about why betrayal can affect both mind and body, read What Is Betrayal Trauma?.
What the First Conversation Is For
You do not need to know whether therapy will be the right fit before you contact us. The free 20-minute consultation is a chance to ask questions, say a little about what is happening, and notice how the conversation feels. You can decide afterward whether you want to book a full session.
Book a free 20-minute consultation
If you are not ready to book, I write one letter a month in The Messy Loft about betrayal trauma and the wounds underneath it. You can read along without making any decisions about therapy.
